Nonattachment is not a static place at which we arrive and from which we live. Rather it is a dynamic way, a dance between the opposite poles of attachment (totally enmeshed) and detachment (totally disengaged). Both poles have gifts to offer and dangers to avoid.
Attachment brings the gifts of engagement, passion, and risk. When I am writing a lecture, I am deeply attached to the ideas, to my desire to be clear and evocative, and to the group that will hear my presentation. This connection engages me with the material and the audience, gives passion to my words and delivery, and allows me to take risks in what I say and the stories I choose to tell. But if I become attached to having my words applauded, my ideas accepted, my lecture a roaring success, I have succumbed to the dangers of attachment -- enmeshment, self-deception, and loss of vision. In the preparation and presentation of the lecture, I may become blind to the possibilities of the moment. I may choose stories that are safe and that I am sure the audience will like. I may become as pleasing as I can so I will be loved. Attached to success, I will be less likely to speak my truth. When I become aware of the dangers of attachment, I counter my tendency to attachment by moving toward the opposite pole -- detachment.
Detachment holds the gifts of perspective, clarity, and an opportunity for self-reflection. If you choose to serve abused women in the local safe house, you will need to be able to stand back and see clearly what the women are coping with and the reality of their situations. You will need to hear their stories and their feelings without drowning in them. You will need to be able to reflect on your own life and choices if you wish to understand the lives and choices of these women. But if you become too detached, your heart will harden; you may create a wall between yourself and those you serve, and you could begin to feel that their suffering is not your problem. If you become too detached, you will experience the dangers of this extreme and find yourself isolated, lacking compassion and avoiding responsibility. When this begins to happen, you can move back toward attachment to re-engage with the women you serve.
To live and serve with an attitude of nonattachment is to dance our way between attachment and detachment. It is a process and a practice. We pay attention to where we are, to what is happening in our hearts and minds; we notice if we are moving to one extreme or the other, then we gently correct ourselves toward the center. We accept the gifts from both sides of the polarity and dance away from the dangers. We are learning the dance of letting go and staying engaged. The more we are able to live from this dance, the more our words and actions can become prayers for justice and peace.
--Jane E. Vennard, Embracing the World: Praying for Justice and Peace. San Francisco: John Wiley and Sons, 2003, p47-49.
Jane E. Vennard is the author of three previous books on prayer and is a popular speaker, retreat leader, teacher, and spiritual director. Embracing the World grows our of her teaching at the Iliff School of Theology in Denver, where she witnessed firsthand the many shifts in her students' lives as they began to focus their prayer in new ways and to discern what actions they might take to promote justice and peace in the world around them.
